SHOWER DEBACLE

by Rosalind Barden

The night was so hot, Barnes decided the only way he could sleep was in the tub with the shower blasting cold water.

Unfortunately, the tub drain was mostly clogged with hair, and as he drifted to sleep, the force of the shower water washed more of his bushy tendrils to the drain until the clog was complete.

The Coroner listed his demise as "suicide."

His family objected with screams and sobs.  "Barnes was always happy!"  "Him and his roommate Chuckie were planning a barbecue this very weekend, and they were even going to try figuring out how to deep-fry Snickers Bars!"  "You see--Barnes had something to live for!"  "Barnes was murdered!"

When an attorney got involved, the authorities reopened the case, and a particularly meticulous detective realized that of the hair clogging the drain, most belonged to the roommate, Chuckie.  Why would Barnes kill himself with someone else's hair?  Made so sense at all. 

The detective further discovered Barnes had a lump on his head.  Had Chuckie knocked Barnes unconscious first, and then dragged him into the tub to concoct the suicide ruse?  Under intense questioning, Chuckie insisted Barnes had caused the lump himself when he'd tried wiring his TV to the ceiling so he could watch it from flat on the carpet.  When the lighting fixture he'd wired the TV to gave way, it'd all came crashing down on Barnes's head.

Obvious fabrication.

The decision was made to arrest Chuckie.  First degree with premeditation.  Capital crime.  When the police burst into his and Barnes's apartment late in the night, shouting, black with body armor, Chuckie panicked and fled out the bathroom window, only to be gunned down.

Later, in the afterlife, Chuckie said to Barnes, "Dude, told you we should've gotten your mom over to clean the bathtub."